Thunderstorm

Do you ever feel like there’s a big dark cloud lurking over your head? It keeps raining for days and then lightning strikes and a full blown storm breaks out. Yup, that’s been me this week. Somehow I managed to break my keyboard on my laptop, the ZXC & V keys don’t work so here I am typing out a full blog post on my phone. I also ripped the seam of my pants on my scrubs at my internship yesterday, dropped a full plate of food on floor, lashed out at people who care about me the most, and cried in the shower for no reason.  This week sucked! But I’m not writing this blog post to complain, I’m doing it for quite the opposite.

My happy place in the midst of my thunderstorm ⛈

I woke up this morning well rested and happy as ever in the exact moment I was in. Somehow the week of mishaps seemed to magically vanish over night. I’m actually pretty grateful for how rough this week was because despite the mini meltdowns now I could have a totally basic and bland day today and be extremely content. Simply put, the bad days balance out the good, if you will.

The bad days discouraged me from studying as much as I wanted to this week, I did get some study hours in but my head wasn’t fully focused. I’m learning to not beat myself up over missing a day or cutting a study session short… but it’s tough. When I crack open my book to study for the boards I feel like a weighted vest magically appears and all the pressure in the world is on me. How could one test, 250 questions, 5 hours determine the direction of my whole year, of my career?! It’s extremely intimidating.

So, what do I do? I take the bad days on headstrong (and use cheesecake as back up when needed.) The bad days are what motivate me to have better days. And a day without studying needs to, I repeat NEEDS to stop being defined as a bad day in my book. I don’t know why I’m so hard on myself and why I treat unplanned days off like the end of the world. Or wait, maybe I do. Maybe it’s because my fear of failure… Yeah that’s it.

But no more!

From here on out, days with ripped pants, dropped food, emotional breakdowns, or unopened text books are welcomed. Without those days I won’t realize that I need a break. Those little things are all just that, little things. Because of the stress I’ve put myself under they felt like mountains. I know I can’t be the only one. Do you ever feel like the tiniest thing could just set you off and ruin your whole day? Maybe it’s time we starting checking the weather above our head, when there’s a big dark stormy cloud don’t test it and head to the beach. Instead, listen to your body and give it the rest and relaxation it needs. My body needed a heap of blankets and pillows on my bed with no alarm clock.

With that being said, it’s Friday and I refuse to let this emotional rollercoaster of a week run into my weekend so I listened to my big dark cloud, it needed some sleep and a couple days off from studying. It’s sunny now and I’m clear minded. Time to hit the books!

All I’m really trying to say is, whoever you are reading this if you’re having a rough day, rough month, rough year…Just take a break. I promise even if you don’t think you deserve it, you do and it might be just whay you need.

Stay golden. 💫

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